i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
