mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
