Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
