Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize