i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
