it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
