you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
