Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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