I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
worst night to have a conscience
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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