oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
