found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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