I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
