dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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