Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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