sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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