i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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