Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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