Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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