So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
