My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
