Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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