i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
