OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
