Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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