he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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