Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
