i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
