worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How does one acquire holy water?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
