I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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