Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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