Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
