I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
