smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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