20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
