I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
