I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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