Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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