walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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