New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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