You just made me feel so damn special
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
