I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
