how can u be prego again
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
