i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
