I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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