WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
