Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize