I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
