Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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