I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
