What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
