I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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