So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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