I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
