the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
