My liver just broke up with me...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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