so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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