Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
