my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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