I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
