There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
