I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
