I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
OPIZZABONMYDICK
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
