i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
