i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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