Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize