The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
