I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
