what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
